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When news broke that Rob and Michele Singer Reiner had been murdered and their son, Nick Reiner, was a person of interest, it thrust substance use disorder back into the public spotlight. However, families affected by a loved one’s addiction fear the discussion will focus on an exceedingly rare act of homicide rather than the far more common dangers of the disease.

A Personal Connection

Ron Grover and his wife, Darlene, have been closely following the developments. They only knew the Reiners professionally, yet they identify deeply: their own son also developed a dependency at 15 to painkillers and later illicit drugs, similar to Nick Reiner, and spent years cycling through rehabilitation and jail. After seven excruciating years, their son got sober in July 2010.

“It’s just tragic,” states Grover. “It rips your heart out, because that’s a family torn apart, just like so many other families we know whose sons or daughters didn’t survive the disease of addiction.”

Understanding the Epidemic

More than two-thirds of Americans report their lives have been touched by addiction—whether through their own use, a relative’s addiction, housing instability from addiction, or an drug-related emergency leading to medical care or loss, according to recent data.

Approximately 16.8% of Americans, or tens of millions of people, were living with a drug or alcohol addiction in 2024.

“This can happen to anybody, no matter how wealthy you are, no matter how disadvantaged you are, no matter how influential you are,” emphasized Grover.

The Weight of Judgment

The Reiner story resonated deeply with Greg, who leads a parent organization. “We talk a lot about how it’s a family disease,” Greg said. “It has a tremendous impact on others’ lives.”

However, he is worried that the tragic events will make people “very wary of anybody who’s struggles with having an addiction, and think that they could become dangerous at any point in time. And that’s not true,” Greg added.

These “are really important conversations to have, since addiction is so prevalent in the United States and the rates have consistently risen,” stated an associate professor who studies addiction and the legal system. She pointed to the significant social prejudice surrounding addiction and mental health in the U.S., including the “perception of someone being really a threat and the potential for harming others.”

She also cautioned against making assumptions about the alleged role of the son or his condition at the time, noting it is unclear whether substance use or psychological distress were involved recently.

“I’m afraid that people are going to take their stigmatization of addiction and substance use disorder, and fill in the gaps to try to make sense of what happened,” she said. “Because of his past, the first thing that everyone is talking about is his addiction.”

Separating Myth from Fact

While addiction can lead to erratic actions, and some substances may increase aggression, a brutal act like a murder of two people is exceptionally rare.

“The vast majority of people with addiction or substance use disorder do not ever show anything even approaching to violent behavior. It’s a true anomaly,” the expert explained. “The statistical truth is a person is far more probable to harm themselves than anyone else.”

A Parent’s Fear

Both Greg and Grover have lived with fear—not directed at their sons, but about them.

“I’m afraid he’s going to die at some point,” Greg said. “If he relapses, it’s eventually going to kill him. That’s my biggest fear. And my other fear is just being cut off from him.” He described the painful decisions parents face, such as setting boundaries and sometimes making the “horribly painful” choice that an adult child cannot live at home.

“Our fear then was, every single night you went to sleep, that you could get that call or that visit from authorities telling you that he was never coming home,” said Grover. Those fears are present “every single day, 365 days a year, for a parent.”

He recounted the terrifying calls: from the ER saying a son was not breathing; from prison, where a parent might rationalize behavior by thinking, “ ‘Well, at least he committed theft to support his habit; at least he wasn’t burglarizing the neighbors’ houses.’”

Isolation and Judgment

Parents often battle isolation—questioning whether the addiction was caused by some mistake they made; bearing guilt for a child’s actions; and worrying about the stigma directed at both parent and child.

It is extremely challenging to understand a family’s ordeal without experiencing it personally, Greg noted. “With addiction, it can shift instantly. You could be perfectly happy one day and in despair the next... It’s not uncommon for that to happen.”

Hope and Recovery

Data indicates about three in four people with addiction are able to achieve recovery.

“Just as you can get over any other type of disease, you can get over this disease, too. You can recover and be productive,” said Grover. “If you work at it and you stumble, you get up and work at it some more.”

Today, his son is a married with children, holds a university education, and works as a union electrician. Grover reflected on his struggle to “fix” his son, realizing it could not be forced.

“I can push him into recovery if I want to, but if he doesn’t reach for my hand for help, it’s not going to succeed,” he said.

Yet, they always reiterated they loved him and had faith in him.

“I tell any parent or anybody else that’s supporting someone addicted to drugs: make sure your hand is always, always outstretched, because you never know when they’ll reach out and accept help.”